The Strongest Jutsu
by SunlitSky21
Summary: Come closer, children, and I will tell you a tale. A tale of how one man changed the laws of the universe themselves with a single Jutsu. (Warning: Severe mental damage imminent. Pure crack.)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.**

 **The Strongest Jutsu.**

* * *

Our story begins on the day when A certain Naruto Uzumaki was undergoing the bell test to see if he was worthy of being a ninja or not.

When suddenly, _it_ occurred.

 **Konoha Secret Jutsu: Thousand years of Death!**

And with a mighty asspoke, the jinchuriki of the nine tailed demon fox was sent flying through the air, screaming bloody murder.

Now, in an alternate universe, Naruto would have soon forgotten about this incident and continued in his battle against the copy cat ninja. However, it seemed like the gods of these universe had different plans.

 _" Wow, that's a really powerful jutsu."_ was the thought which ran in the Uzumaki's mind.

And ladies and gentlemen, this was the point where Naruto... broke the universe.

* * *

 **Wave mission**

Sasuke threw the fuuma shuriken. It turned into Naruto. However, what came next... let's just say, Naruto certainly lived up to his name as Konoha's most unpredictable ninja.

With a burst of pure chakra from his legs, Naruto rebounded back towards Zabuza. Making a cross shaped seal, He joined the index and middle fibgers of his two hands together. There was a sudden poof of smoke. Where there were 4 fingers once, there were 8 now.

" **Konoha Secret Jutsu: Thousand years of death: Shadow clone! version !"**

Shouting this, the unholy spear of pain struck Zabuza in one place where, _ahem_ , the sun doesn't shine.

The moment was priceless. Uchiha Sasuke looked as if he had seen a naked, break dancing Itachi, baring all of his glory in front of him .

Sakura was ... split in two, so as to say. Inner had physically manifested. Both were white faced and frozen with shock.

Kakashi was stunned.

Haku fell out from a nearby tree.

And Zabuza? The expression on his face... Surprise turned into shock.

Shock turned into embarrassment.

Embarrassment turned into pain.

In a squeaky voice, Zabuza just said," I think I might have forgotten to say one more vital part."

And cue the screaming.

"YOWWEEWEWWWWWWWW!" Zabuza flew through the sky faster than you could say 'ass poke'.

Don't believe me? Ask Haku.

* * *

 **Chunin exams**

In the Chunin exams, Naruto once again pulled out his trump card against Orochimaru.

Oh and trust me. _No amount_ of body changing and shedding could have saved Orochimaru.

The attack touched his very soul. However, aside from the pain there was a disturbingly... _lustful_ expression on his face?

Naruto feared for his virginity when he saw the expression.

Hightailing out of there,Team 7 won the second stage of the chunin exams.

However, the method of their victory resulted in a twitching, knocked out Kiba, a passed out Hinata and a stumped Hokage and co.

Sasuke decided then and there, no and I mean _no_ amount of power was worth getting on the bad side of Naruto's jutsu. He will take the long way to hell, thank you very much.

After the third stage of the exam, after the third hokage was killed and Gaara was made good again (don't ask how, _just don't_ ) , The universe was further broken when Jiraiya taught Naruto the Rasengan.

 _Oh, and it was effective._

Seeing the modified version of Naruto's jutsu, Orochimaru ran away with a promise to exact vengeance and a..wait, is that a heavy blush ?

Tsunade was made Godaime which was a _very_ wise decision on her part.

Naruto left for his training trip with Jiraiya.

Sasuke never left, fearing the unholy wrath of facing Naruto and his jutsu if he did so.

* * *

In a period of three years, a lot can occur.

Hmmm...Let's see, Orochimaru started researching some _*ahem*_ questionable things, after seeing Naruto's jutsu, Jiraiya stoppped being a pervert and...

Wait, what? Go back for a second there? Jiraiya stopped being a pervert... Well, damn.

Naruto broke the universe, _again._

Lets see how it occurred, shall we?

* * *

This incident took place shortly after Naruto learnt the big ball rasengan from Jiraiya. The events occur somewhat like this...

The young Uzumaki was _bored_. He had successfully learnt the big ball rasengan.

Suddenly, as if being struck by lightning, Naruto sat upright.

" _Wait a minute! What happens if I use it in that Jutsu?"_

It took a lot of tries and immense effort for someone with chakra control as poor as Naruto. But he finally did it!

A larger than average condensed rasengan sat on Naruto's joined fingers, humming and spinning wildly.

 _But who to test it on?_

Suddenly, he heard a perverted giggle.

A positively evil smile grew on Naruto's face. Oh, had just found his guinea pig. The evil scientist in Naruto started cackling madly. The Kyuubi could be seen trying to make himself as small as possible, his furry form shaking with fear. How Naruto had managed to tame the Kyuubi... Well, I will leave that to your imagination, dear readers.

Sneaking up behind the perverted hermit, who was peeking at the ladies bathing in a hot spring through a peephole in the wall, Naruto brought up his fingers, and called out his jutsu's name.

 **"Konoha secret jutsu: A million years of death!"**

Needless to say, Jiraiya found himself on the receiving end of a penetration, which he _did not_ like.

Flying off like a rocket, Jiraiya landed right amidst the women bathing in the hot spring.

Poking the shuddering and shivering mass with her toe, one of the ladies asked," Is it dead?"

The mass wriggled and got up suddenly, causing her to let out a shriek of surprise. She was about to rear her fist back and send the pervert to the abode of the heavenly sage but something stopped her. It was the expression on the white-haired man's face. Was the pervert actually... _blushing and averting his eyes?_

And then it happened.

In a soft and melodic tone which Naruto, who was hiding behind the wall of the onsen, had never heard before come from Jiraiya, the toad sennin said shyly, bowing in apology," I am so sorry! Please forgive me. I shall accept whatever punishment you give me!"

Well needless to say, the lady was dumbstruck.

How could she hit him after he was looking at her with those..those _sincere_ eyes?

But before anything could happen, An orange figure blurred into existence in front of them and threw a smoke bomb on the floor.

BAM! The smoke bomb went out with a huge blast and burst of smoke.

In the commotion, nobody saw the orange figure and the white haired man disappearing.

Nearly a mile away from the onsen, a panting Naruto dropped Jiraiya on the ground.

"What the hell was that, Ero-sennin? ",exclaimed Naruto, still not believing the events which he had witnessed.

"Naruto-kun, Whatever might you mean? Also, could you please stop referring to me by such a vulgar title? I am most affronted that my own disciple could call me, a perfect gentleman, with such a blasphemous name! "Jiraiya said imperiously.

Naruto just had one thought," _Fuck, I broke Ero-sennin_."

* * *

Three years passed and before he knew it, Naruto was back in Konoha along with Jiraiya. Grinning excitedly, Naruto said to Jiraiya, " Jiraiya-sensei, come on! Lets go meet Tsunade-baachan!"

Jiraiya smiled softly and in a gentle tone said," Well then, what are we waiting for? Let us go meet her most esteemed highness, Lady Tsunade, and pay her our respects."

 _"No matter how many times I hear it, it still weirds me out,"_ Naruto thought, a shiver running down his spine.

Tsunade was in a unusually good mood. The reason behind it were none other than two certain individuals.

Yes, the brat and the old pervert were returning today, so it was a perfectly good day to be happy.

Tsunade stood by the window, expecting the duo to enter through it as per the norm, well, the norm for _them,_ at least. Therefore, she was greatly surprised when she heard a polite knock on the door and heard a _very_ familiar voice say," May we come in?"

Tsunade returned to her seat behind the desk and warily called out a yes.

The door opened and the two people whom she was thinking about stepped in.

Naruto and Jiraiya.

Observing them, she let a smile appear on her face. Naruto seemed to have grown up. He was taller and more well built, with the features on his face showing the effect of puberty.

However, what she saw next led to the dropping of her jaw to the ground in shock. Jiraiya , the pervert with the social decency and etiquette of a teaspoon was actually _bowing_ to her and in a very respectful way!

Straightening from the bow, Jiraiya smiled gently and said," It is a pleasure to be graced again with your presence, Lady Hokage. Your beauty dazzles me more and more, every time I lay my eyes on your exquisite form."

Outside, a crow crashed into a wall, too shocked to control its flight. However, for a brief moment, a Red pinwheel shaped pattern seemed to be visible in one of its eyes.

Somewhere, Itachi Uchiha, clan slayer, felt a shiver running down his spine, feeling as if the laws of the universe had shifted.

Back in the Hokage tower, Tsunade barely managed to pick up her jaw from where it was lying, moments ago.

Turning to Naruto, Tsunade did not say anything, but her expression was sufficient to express her thoughts.

The expression on her face perfectly resembled her thoughts at the moment.

 _"What... What..in the name of all that is holy? Oh, sweet nuts of the Rikkodu Sennin, what have I seen? The laws of the universe are broken. What...How...Why "_

Unable to comprehend more, her brain short circuited.

When it rebooted, the first thing she did was to give Naruto a glare(for who else could break the universe so mercilessly. That _poor, poor_ logic. It must hurt so bad to have someone like the Uzumaki boy around.) and say one sentence, " What in the name of the ever loving, swirly, twisty... (insert bleep here, sorry too much for even a T rated fanfic) happened to Jiraiya? What the fuck did you do, Naruto?"

To this, Naruto sheepishly scratched his head and faking a small grin said," I ummm... kinda broke him with one of my jutsus?"

* * *

 **Authors note: Just an idea floating in my head. Do tell me, how do you think it was? Do you want me to continue?**

 **Did any of you notice the reference I mentioned to a certain crack fanfic? If yes, please tell me in your reviews.**

 **This is SunlitSky21, signing out.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

The only response he got was Tsunade's eyebrow twitching. And by twitching, I mean, _trying to jump off her face,_ kind of twitching.

"Explain,"Tsunade spat out, through clenched teeth.

And explain Naruto did. And as Naruto's tale progressed so did Tsunade's horror.

By the time Naruto was finished, all that was left of Tsunade was a pale shaking mess.

"Anbu !"Tsunade yelled.

The force of her shout was such that four Anbus dropped from the ceiling, all of them landing in rather * _ahem*_ compromising positions.

"Hey, get your dick out of my face!"

"You too! Get your White hole out of my face this instant!"

Tsunade's other eyebrow started twitching.

Astonishingly, Jiraiya just stood there, eyes averted , blushing.

"Alright, If you do not start acting like Anbu in the next five minutes, all of you are getting the capture Tora mission for a lifetime!" shouted Tsunade.

That did the trick. When faced with the horror that was Tora, even the biggest shinobi wet their diapers( metaphorically, I hope...).

In the next second, with speed that would have made Ol' Flashie blanch, the four Anbus were standing erect( _Haha.. Get it? Erect? Sigh, I should probably stop now, shouldn't I?_ )

"Bring me the scroll containing the list of kinjutsus, right now!" ordered Tsunade.

The Anbu scrambled to obey. And within the interval of a minute, each anbu had in their hands, a rather large scroll.

Now, Naruto was not the sharpest Kunai in the box but even he could count to four( probably?) and on seeing the four scrolls exclaimed, " I thought that there was only one scroll!"

Wrong thing to say, Blondie.

Tsunade's eyes turned to him and the tone which she used nearly made him piss his pants. " Oh and how did you know that, Na-ru-to?"

" Hehee, Its a really interesting story, you know.. Well, you see..."began Naruto.

However, Tsunade cut him off.

"Ah, leave it."

Tsunade then ordered the anbus to lay the scrolls on her desk.

She started to open the scrolls.

All of them contained Kinjutsus alright, but the first three of them had kinjutsus oriented to a more _specific_ purpose( I will give you a hint. It begins with 's' and ends with 'x'. Hmmm... I wonder what it could be?).

The fourth one, finally, contained, the proper set of kinjutsus.

Extending the scroll so that a blank area became visible, Tsunade bit her thumb and applied the blood released to the scroll.

A brush and an ink pot puffed into existence.

"What? It came free with the scroll. Haven't you ever heard of Buy one get two free? "Tsunade snapped, sensing the incredulous gazes.

Brush in hand, Tsunade quickly got down to business.

Fifteen minutes later, Tsunade was finished.

"Naruto!" She barked.

Naruto let out a very _manly_ squeak, straightening his posture instinctively.

"From this moment on, I declare the Konoha secret jutsu and its variants as an S ranked jutsu. You will not use this Jutsu, unless given the reason to. Understood?"

Naruto nodded nervously. But in the back of his mind, he was already planning to bypass this order. After all, nobody and I do mean _nobody_ , ordered Uzunami Naruto around!

However, what Naruto failed to realize was the fact that Tsunade was declaring this jutsu as a kinjutsu not for him but for the sake of _others._

Let me show you the consequences of this.

Naruto did not dare try use the jutsu on Kakashi as Tsunade was watching but it turned out that he didn't need to. He and Kakashi were evenly matched in Taijutsu and Ninjutsu. His normal Rasengan already made him a force to be reckoned with, including the superior control and power which he achieved during training.

Needless to say, there wasn't much left of training ground seven after Team 7 was done.

Sasuke's respect and fear for Naruto only grew. Sakura , she... Actually,I don't know what happened to her. I think that she left team 7 to become a medic at the hospital.

And so our story continues.

* * *

The story of our Naruto here, really picks up when he starts to battle Akatsuki members.

The strength of the members forced Naruto to grow and learn.

Eventually, in order to defeat Kakuzu, Naruto learnt the Futon: Rasengan. And as always, he applied it to _that_ jutsu.

Poor, _poor_ Kakuzu. He didn't know what even hit him.

Forget Five hearts, Even a hundred hearts wouldn't have lasted against Naruto's jutsu. After, Naruto was done, not even a body was left.

* * *

After a lot of events, such as Jiraiya dying, Naruto learning senjutsu, Pain attacking the village(except in single body form, himself. He had heard rumours which had made him wary), Naruto and Pein faced off, for a final confrontation.

By spamming Kage Bunshin like heck, almost releasing the Kyuubi, meeting his father, yada, yada, etc, etc, Naruto and Pein, who was forced to deal with all of that shit, both of them were exhausted.

Naruto decided to end it in one shot. He joined his index and middle fingers for the initial stance of the S ranked Kinjutsu, and started gathering an insane amount of chakra on his fingertips. The chakra turned Wind Natured and soon, on Naruto's joined fingertips lay a condensed, tiny Rasen-Shuriken. But the size did not matter. The Condensed Rasen-shuriken was thrumming with power and Naruto, already pissed beyond belief, planned to use it to kick this punk's ass to the Pre-chakra ages.

What happened next was a blur. Pein, naturally, tried to dodge, Naruto created a shadow clone, substituted with it and then ...proceeded to skewer Pein's *ahem* godly _you know what._

And Pein managed to whimper out only one word, _" Pain?"_

Pein had experienced true pain, the likes of which he had never seen before. His soul was shattered, beyond repair and after he was conscious again, he curled into a ball, sobbing.

And Naruto broke the universe... _again_. By now , it was getting old.

* * *

The fourth Shinobi war started. However, in this universe, there was nobody foolish enough to detain naruto. Kyuubi was already terrified of him, so the point of his jinchuriki training was moot.

Naruto arrived at the battlefield.

Stuff happened, which the author is too lazy to describe.

Anyways, Naruto faced off with Obito and Madara, one last time.

By now, Naruto was fed up. He had enough of this war bullshit. Deciding to end it, once and for all, Naruto pulled out the _big guns_.

Dark chakra coalesced in front of his joint fingers and tremendous pressure built up. A bijuudama was formed. And just because Naruto is not familiar with the concept of _Overkill_ , he added wind chakra to the condensed bijuudama for _extra_ measure.

Madara ,Obito, and Juubi paled collectively when they saw the jutsu in all its glory. Frozen in place with fear , they could do nothing but watch, as Naruto got to work.

The juubi was the first one to go. It literally disintegrated when Naruto's jutsu hit it. However, before fading, it did release a very high pitched, _feminine_ scream.( Hmm...I do wonder why)

The next one was Obito.

Naruto flashed behind him.

Obito turned slowly around, looking back, and almost crapped himself at the sinister smile on Naruto's face.

He quickly used The Mangekyo's ability, which allowed him to become ethereal. But it was of no use. Naruto was a _master_ in the art of breaking the universe.

And so down went Obito.

Two down, one to go.

Naruto turned to Madara. The ancient Uchiha paled and said quickly," Wait, we can talk this out. There is no need for violence, right?"

If there ever was a Pot and Kettle moment in the history of the world, this was it. Naruto, along with every other person's deadpan expressions certainly proved it.

Seeing his words to have absolutely no effect on Naruto, Madara became desperate.

He let out a scared whimper. " Mercy?"

Naruto just smirked and said, " Sorry. All outta mercy." Then grinning cheerfully, Naruto proceeded to erase Madara's existence from the world, in a _painful_ way.

Naruto became Hokage, mainly because there was nobody who had the balls to say no to him, Sasuke became a female( does it really matter how?) and married Naruto.

They had seven kids( Don't blame me. Blame every Japanese manga's obsession with the number seven. *COugh* Seven Shichibukai *COugh* Seventh Hokage *COugh* Team Seven, must I go on?)

Zetsu died, all alone, with nobody to manipulate.

* * *

 **The End.**

* * *

Ah , happy endings, don't you just love them!

* * *

 **Author's note: Wow, the fic became suddenly dark towards the end.**

 **Ahem, anyways , as always read and review.**

 **This is SunlitSky21, signing out.**


	3. Bonus Chapter

**Bonus Chapter-How Sasuke actually became a girl**

* * *

 **Warning: Content intended for mature audiences only in this chapter. Read at your own risk!**

 **Don't worry, no lemons, I promise.**

* * *

The fourth shinobi war was over. The ninja alliance had won, thanks to the most powerful jutsu on the planet. The Jutsu, which would go on to become the stuff of legends and which would be liisted as a 'Shinobi' ranked jutsu, the highest rank there is, the rank which contained techniques such as The Creation of All things itself.

So, basically, it was a rank which contained all the universe breaking hacks. But for one Naruto Uzumaki, who broke the universe on a daily basis, the Marking of his jutsu as a "Shinobi" ranked one was nothing special.

Which brings us to the present moment. Naruto, with hands stuffed in his pockets, was cheerfully making his way through the camps set up, whistling a merry tune. While this was all well and good, the fear and horror on the faces of the other shinobi kinda ruined the picture a little bit. But this was nothing to _the_ Uzumaki Naruto. He was awesome and he knew it!

However, there is one teeny little thing about the scene which the author has not described yet. The progenitor of chakra, The rabbit goddess, Kaguya Otsutsuki herself was... following Naruto like a lost puppy?

 _Yup, Universe has been broken._

How did this occur, you may ask?

Well, in order to know that, let's have a flashback.. _.flashback...flashback._

Still here? Damn it, Just move those eyes down below!

* * *

 **Flashback**

Even though Naruto had obliterated Madara, Obito and Juubi, as the plot required it to happen, Kaguya still arose.

This led to the following events.

Naruto and Sasuke were getting their asses kicked, magnificently. The rabbit goddess was so Op that even the OPiest of them couldn't have outmatched her OPness.

Sorry, Too many OP in one sentence.

Anyways, Naruto and Sasuke were having their podexes whipped. Kakashi was levitating, just above the lava field, reading Icha Icha.

You are thinking, How is this possible, right? The answer to that is Well, _It's Kakashi._ Naruto's universe breaking skill had to be taught by someone, right?

Also, Sakura was nowhere to be found.

Alright, enough going on tangents. Now, where was I? Oh yes, Naruto and Sasuke were having their butts kicked by Kaguya.

This would have continued for a long time if Naruto hadn't decided to pull out his second universe breaking jutsu, Oiroke No jutsu. He then implemented the Reverse Harem No jutsu.

Seeing it, Kaguya was blown back with _godly_ speed due to a nosebleed. Oh and let me tell you, this nosebleed was the _mother_ of all nosebleeds.

Sasuke and even Naruto was shocked.

"Okay, I know that Naruto breaks the Universe for breakfast, but this is just too much and why the hell is the Mother Of all Chakra a pervert?"Sasuke said.

Naruto replied with a shrug " Eh, the plot called for it."

Sasuke decided to ignore this. More often than not, it was not just worth it when it came to Naruto.

Kaguya, the Mother of all Perverts was dazed after all that bloodloss. Naruto saw this as an opportunity.

Except this time, he put the _over_ in overkill. Nine bijuudamas, of different forms resembling the nine tailed beasts power grew on Naruto's joint fingers. Wind chakra was added to each of the masses of energy, and soon Naruto's joint index and middle fingers had nine spherical, condensed, wind chakra added bijuudamas revolving around them.

Sasuke thought. _"This is just too cruel, not even someone like Kaguya deserves this. Alright, I am not coming anywhwere near that Jutsu."_ But there was also one more thing going on through Sasuke's mind. _Lust_. Seeing Naruto's power made Sasuke extremely aroused.

 _"What? That's not possible. How can I be attracted to someone like Naruto?"_ thought a blushing Sasuke.

Poor Sasuke, he had it bad.

However, Naruto's shout snapped him out of his reverie.

 **"Konoha and Tailed Beast secret jutsu..."** Here he stopped.

Turning to Sasuke, he asked," Hey Sasuke, what comes after a million?"

And Sasuke replied, trying to control his blushing." A b-billion."

Naruto did a double take. _Why was Sasuke blushing and stuttering like Hinata?_

Deciding to think about it later, Naruto turned his focus back to the jutsu.

 **"Konoha and tailed beast secret Jutsu: A billion years of death, times nine!" shouted Naruto.**

What? Naruto can't name Jutsu to save his life, you know that, right?

Anyways, Naruto started moving at a high speed towards Kaguya.

"Sasuke, now!" he said.

Sasuke understood. Using Amanetojikora, Sasuke teleported Naruto behind Kaguya.

Naruto moved forward and shoved his jutsu...right up in the Progenitor of Chakra's _you know what hole_.( _Not the baby making one, the other one, ya pervert! Wait...I am the one who wrote this story right? Wow, big Pot and Kettle moment there. O.O_ )

Kaguya let out a shriek. A shriek which traveled through dimensions, worlds. A shriek so profound, that was never heard before.

With a heavy blush on her face, Kaguya collapsed.

Naruto and Sasuke were stunned. It was that easy?

When Kaguya woke up, the first thing that she uttered while looking at Naruto was ," Master."

 _"Oh shit"_ Naruto thought.

* * *

Which brings us to the present.

Naruto, now in possession of The Progenitor Of all Chakra as a slave, walked through the camps.

In a nearby tent, Sasuke was fuming.

" _How dare that skank steal Naruto? And why is Naruto allowing her to cling to him like that! No, this won't do."_ thought Sasuke.

So, with a plan in mind, Sasuke left his tent stealthily.

That was the last anyone would see of _Sasuke_ Uchiha for a long time..

* * *

 **Somewhere, In a hidden lab**

* * *

Sasuke entered the secretly hidden lab which Orochimaru had in Sound Country.

During the Chunin exams, Orochimaru had never bitten Sasuke but he _did_ leave a card behind as he was running away from Team 7 in The Forest of Death.

Sasuke had picked up the card which read,

 _Orochimaru,_

 _Snaket Drive,_

 _The lab hidden in the ground,_

 _Sound Country._

Shrugging, Sasuke had decided to pick it up. So, it was easy for Sasuke now to find Orochimaru's lab.

Going further inside, Sasuke entered the main room, where all the experiments were carried out.

Suddenly he heard a laugh. Turning towards the direction from where he had heard the laugh come from, Sasuke saw a chair with its back turned towards him.

 _Kukuku_...came out the sinister laughter. Slowly, the chair turned and Sasuke saw that none other than Orochimaru was sitting on the chair, petting a snake.

Why a snake you ask? Well, I ask, Why not?

Orochimaru gave a creepy smile and said, "I have been expecting you, Sasuke-kun."

But before he could monologue any further, Sasuke said," Cut the crap. I have a job for you."

Now, Orochimaru was interested, he leaned forward and asked , "Oh and What's in it for me?"

Sasuke replied," Naruto's DNA."

One eye turning into the Mangekyo Sharingan while the other glowing silver, Sasuke glared intimidatingly and continued," However, you will not use his Dna in any way to harm Konoha or any other shinobi village or try for world domination. Or else, so help me, I will take your _little_ snake and Amaterasu the crap out of it."

But Orochimaru hadn't heard any word beyond DNA.

His brain had short circuited.

" _Oh my god, that Annoying, obnoxious, magnificent example of the male species' DNA."_

These were the thoughts running through Orochimaru's mind

He squealed, "What is the job? Tell me and I will do it!"

After a long long expanation which mostly consisted of Sasuke ranting about the things that he hated in life such as rabbits, goddesses, Kaguya, fangirls, manipulative older brothers who turn out to be good in the end, Naruto;s attractiveness causing too much competition, Kaguya, Perverted Sensei, Progenitor of chakra , etc, etc.

Finally, Orochimaru said, "So let me get this straight. You want to essentially... fuck Naruto into the mattress but seeing as both of you are the last of your clans, you also need children to be born. But, The Rabbit Goddess butts in between."

Sasuke nodded.

"Well, I can only see one solution to this. You will have to convert your snake into a den." said Orochimaru seriously.

Sasuke thought for a moment, but suddenly a vision of his and Naruto's kids came into his mind and all logical thought processes stopped working.

"Alright "said Sasuke.

"Kukuku, then listen, here is what you have to do." said Orochimaru.

* * *

 **A day later.**

* * *

Sasuke quietly slipped back into the shinobi camp.

A Flying Spiritual Armour really covered those miles, Who knew?

It was night time, so Sasuke was able to move unseen through the camp.

It seemed as though fortune had smiled upon the duck-butt haired avenger as Sasuke's target, Kaguya was sitting near a fire, lost in thought.

But why was she letting out perverted giggles and drooling?

I will just tell you this: It involved Chains, Whips, Bijuudamas( Don't ask), Rabbits and Naruto.

Anyways, Sasuke saw this as a perfect opportunity. Going near Kaguya, Sasuke cleared his throat.

Hearing the sound, Kaguya was snapped out of her fantasy. When she saw who was standing in front of it, she sneered and said, " What is it, peasant?"

Apparently, Kaguya still had a stick shoved up her ass when it came to people other than Naruto.

Sasuke was pissed but even then he managed to control his emotions

He politely said," Kaguya-sama, Naruto-sama is expecting your presence. He has asked me to escort you."

Hearing Naruto's name, Kaguyas demeanor changed instantly.

She blushed and started smiling dreamily.

She said, "Well, what are you waiting for? Lead the way."

Sasuke smirked.

" _Hook, line and sinker."_

Sasuke started to lead Kaguya into a clearing nearby.

Silently, he made a Kage Bunshin and henged it into Naruto. Sending him ahead, Sasuke turned to Kaguya and said," Naruto sama is right ahead.-

Hearing this, Kaguya moved so fast that it appeared as if she had teleported. Wait, she actually _had_ teleported. Perks of being the Progenitor of Chakra and all.

Luckily, the clone managed to reach the clearing before Kaguya.

Seeing 'Naruto', Kaguya squealed and tackled him into a hug.

So engrossed was she in her love that she did not even see that it was actually not Naruto, but a clone. She also failed to notice Sasuke sneaking up behind her.

But by that time, it was too late.

Sasuke shouted " _Shashink, bitch!"_ and Kaguya's head bade farewell to its body, courtesy of Sasuke's blade.

He started laughing maniacally. Picking up Kaguya's corpse and head, Sasuke teleported to Orochimaru's hideout.

Seeing him, Orochimaru said, in typical evil scientist fashion," Good , good now place the body on the table."

Sasuke did so.

Orochimaru did all the typical evil science mumbo jumbo.

Finally, he extracted a fluid out of Kaguyas body. And let me tell you, the fluid was one _freaky_ liquid. It glowed silver.

Now one might imagine that Orochimaru filtered it or checked it to see if it was dangerous or not?

But nope. _He was Orochimaru and to hell with caution!_ He loaded the fluid in a injection and straight up jabbed it in Sasuke's body.

Sasuke dropped to the floor, convulsing.

After a while, he got up. However, feeling something heavy on his chest, he looked down and _yup_ , the plains of his chest were converted into hills and a valley, with quite an al _tit_ itude, if you know what I mean.

Looking further down, He felt his * _ahem*_ nether region and confirmed that Little Sasuke was gone indeed.

" _You will be missed, my friend. But we must all make sacrifices, for the greater good_ "thought Sasuke mournfully.

Now, Orochimaru did not mean to stare, but Sasuke made a _hot_ girl.

Long flowing ebony tresses framed a pale heart shaped face. Strangely, even his(her) always active rinnegan was deactivated( probably due to Kaguyas chakra). Thus , her two eyes were a big, beautiful black with long eyelashes. Her skin appeared like porcelain. Delicate and Silky smooth. Her nose was cute and small and her lips were plump and perfect. She had a _curvaceous_ body, which I will _not_ go into detail. There are already enough perverts as it is.

Orochimaru, yes, even Orochimaru, had a nosebleed when he witnessed the perfection that was Sasuke

Sasuke smiled,and thought" _With this, Naruto will be mine!_ "

Orochimaru said," _Now about my payment..."_

Sasuke looked at him and her perfect lips curled into a smile, and said in a beautiful voice "Yes, you have done well. Your payment is... _death_!"

And before Orochimaru knew what was happening, he was already dead, due to the fact that a sword burning with black flames was sticking out of his heart.

The last thought that he had was," _Damn, I lost. Seems like you are the better fanboy after all, Sasuke. Also, pointy things hurt."_

Now children, we have a word for people like Sasuke in our world. We call it _Psycho_. Or _Yandere_. Anyone of them will do the job, really.

Sasuke started laughing maniacally.

She thought," _I am coming , Naruto."_

* * *

Naruto was woken up due to a sudden noise. Opening his eyes, he saw that a _very_ pretty girl was straddling him.

"What? Who? "He said in a sleep laden voice.

The girl in front of him whispered ,"Shh... You don't need to say a word, Naruto."

Hearing that strangely familiar voice, Naruto shot up from his bed.

"Sasuke? Is that you? Why are you a girl? "He said.

Sasuke said seductively," Call me...Satsuki and does it really matter? All you need to know is that you and me, "Saying this, she went closer to Naruto and whispered in his ear, _"You and me_ , we are going to _party_ tonight."

Naruto was confused. He still had two questions.

A) What in the name of The Sage's wrinkly old (insert bleep) is going on here?

B) Why do I have a boner?

The second question's answer was quite apparent. As for the first question, Well, somebody other than you broke the laws of the universe, Naruto.

Deal with it.

Deciding to throw caution( and his pants) to the wind, Naruto decided " _To hell with it."_

Inside the seal, Kurama was whooping in joy, for finally getting some.

The seal transmitted all and I do mean _all_ sensations, since it was unlocked now.

I will leave what happens next to your imagination.

* * *

 **The end.**

* * *

 **Author's note: Please don't kill me. I know its perverted but that was the only way I could write this.**

 **I am changing this fics rating to M.**

 **Read at your own risk, in order to protect your virgin eyes.**

 **Again, I beg of you please, don't kill me.**

 **This is SunlitSky21, signing out.**


End file.
